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One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle, killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. At court, he plead innocent to the charges against him claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judges closing statement he asked the man, 'I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it. What did it taste like?' The man answered, 'Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and as potted owl. '
Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture? No! Did he hurt the cows? No, he just grazed them!
A blind man was out walking with his seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head. Having watched what happened, a passerby said, 'Say, why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!''I know, ' said the blind man, 'but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt. '
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, 'Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new. . . ' He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, 'Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new. . . ' He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, 'Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again. . . '
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again. The little turtle insisted again and again after each knock, while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, looking the turtle with pain. . suddenly the female bird says to the male: 'Hey dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted. '
A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man 'I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!' The man replied 'Nah lady this cats not clever at all I'm beating it 6 games to 1'
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy ? 'You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours !' |
